Embrace Your Pain and Be Blessed! (Part 5)
William Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Executive Director of New Hope Crisis Counseling, Crystal Cathedral
Clinical Psychologist & Spiritual Director, ChristianSoulCare.com
LEARN TO EMBRACE YOUR PAIN FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Prince Martinette of Grenada was heir to the Spanish throne at the turn of the 18th century, yet because of treason he was sentenced to a life of solitary confinement in Madrid's prison known as the "The Skull." The prison was dark and diseased infested and it was considered a death sentence. Upon entering the prison; the prince was given one book to read, the Bible. After 33 years of imprisonment, he died. When they came to clean out his cell, they found some notes he had written using nails to mark the soft stone of the prison walls. Some of the notations were: Psalm 118:8 is the middle verse of the Bible; Ezra 7:21 contains all the letters of the alphabet except the letter J; and the ninth verse of the eighth chapter of Esther is the longest verse in the Bible. Instead of developing a relationship with Jesus Christ and relying on his help to embrace his painful ordeal he became an expert in Bible trivia!
How can the pain of a torturous imprisonment be good? How can pain which starts out bad because it originates in sin (yours or someone's sin against you) become a force for good? How does denied pain that has only made things worse by creating resentment, guilt, pessimism, or anxiety be transformed into good pain?
Let's look at how all four types pain gone bad can become good. Like Jacob we can discover a blessing in our pains. If we persevere, speak the truth, and rely on the grace of God (often through the Body of Christ) over time.
1. Resentment and anxiety over violations can be replaced by assertiveness. To take positive aggressive action when we're sinned against is to respond to the natural feelings of anger and fear (god pains) and to move forward to deal with the situation. The Bible speaks often about how we need to be assertive when we've been sinned against. When we're wounded and weakened we need to first put our assertive energy into seeking safety ("A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." - Proverbs 22:3) and then asking for care and help to get our needs met (Matthew 7:7-11). We're to "speak the truth in love" to one another (Ephesians 4:15) and to "rebuke our neighbor frankly" so we do not share in his guilt (Leviticus 19:17). With perpetrators we're to set limits on their sinful behavior and to confront them with the help of godly people (Matthew 18:15-20). And we need to engage in the process of forgiveness again and again (Matthew 18:21-22). If appropriate we may seek to reconcile with our offenders (Matthew 5:21-26) or even try to help them to change (Galatians 6:1).
2. Guilt and self-condemnation over our sins can be replaced by sadness. To feel sad when we sin (what Paul calls "godly sorrow" in 2 Corinthians 7:10-11) is good and helpful, so different from condemning ourselves and pridefully trying to do better to make up for our wrong. To realize that we've hurt ourselves, someone else, and God (Psalm 51:4) can move us to say we're sorry, to empathize with how we've hurt someone, and to change by seeking forgiveness and learning to respect God's rules. God changes our hearts so that we want to live by depending on Him. We discover the freedom to be our true selves (Galatians 5:1).
3. Depression over our difficulties can be replaced by grieving. Grief is good pain. It is a pathway to healing that is part of all emotional and relational healing. The heart of grieving is to verbalize your sadness to someone who offers comfort. And the blessing that is behind all the pain is greater intimacy with God, a deeper appreciation for Him and the life that He offers. Eugene Peterson translated Jesus famous beatitude this way, "You're blessed when you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One who is most dear" (Matthew 5:4). It's a subtle shift, but makes all the difference in the world if instead of isolating in depression in response to tragedy we feel the reality of our vulnerability to events we can't control and we embrace our sadness over painful tragedies, trusting in God's sovereign control and relying on His gracious comfort.
4. Anxious living can be replaced by revering God and hungering for Him. Part of revering God is to feel a certain fear and awe of One so powerful and holy. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs 9:10). This reverential fear is a good pain because it's right and it can lead us to seek to please Him above all and to discover that His perfect love drives out our fear (1 John 4:18). But when we look to Him we don't always feel loved (Psalm 13:1). Especially in times of pain, we often long for more of Him than we're able to see or receive (1 Peter 1:6-9). Our hunger for God is also a good pain because it presses us onward to deeper intimacy and greater service (Matthew 5:6). Our desire to please God above all things motivates us to endure persecution in order to share Christ (Matthew 5:10-12). When, like the Apostle Paul, we choose to give up our "rights" and privileges we find Christ (Philippians 3:10-11) and discover that just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives so also does his comfort and resurrection life (2 Corinthians 1:1-3).
(Continued in part 6)
